


In It Now

by deawrites



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deawrites/pseuds/deawrites
Summary: Harvey and Jim are deeply involved yet a mysterious interloper is out to toy with them. Several chapter story arch with domestic bliss, violence, and some smut thrown in for good measure.Dedicated to Starrrz who opened the door to me for this beautiful pairing. I am ever grateful for your kindness.





	1. Chapters 1 through 4

**Author's Note:**

  * For [falsteloj](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsteloj/gifts).



> All mistakes are my own. Questions, comments, suggestions are all welcome. Thank you for reading!

**Chapter One: Irish Locks**

After working a near forty-eight-hour shift, Harvey settled upon the mattress with a heaving sigh. He grunted in acknowledgement as Jim pushed close enough to lay his head upon Harvey’s pillow and shoulder.

 

“Oh, no you don’t. Use your own pillow Junior.  I’m exhausted and just want to sleep.”

 

Jim frowned and slung an arm over Harvey’s chest, burrowing its opposite underneath the pillow and older male’s shoulder.

 

“Aw c’mon Jim!” Harvey whined petulantly. “For cryin’ out loud give me some room! It’s my fucking bed and I’m tired, okay?”  Harvey felt Jim tense and in the back of his mind he knew he had done it now; Jim was pissed off and he was going to tell Harvey all about it instead of going to sleep like he knew Jim must want too. He couldn’t be the only exhausted one. He was about to come up with an apology when Jim rolled over onto his body, pinning him down, a fierce fire in his blue gaze.

 

“You really want me ostracized to the other side of the bed?” Jim ground his hips against Harvey’s. Jim was naked and mostly erect. Harvey slept in wash thin boxers and tee shirts or wife beaters that had long since been retired from the rotation of his undershirts.

 

Harvey hated to admit it, but he had to _think_ about the situation. He was exhausted yet sex with Jim was, **_phenomenal_**. Yet could he sustain an erection when he could barely keep his eyes open? Jim having read his features lessened the intensity of his own expression. He stroked fingers through Harvey’s disheveled hair.

 

“Not tonight Honey, you have a headache?”

 

Sorrow tinged Harvey’s gaze.  “More like, ‘you’re the hottest piece of ass I’ve ever had and the best, but I gotta get me some shut eye. I’m old. Okay’?”

 

“You’re not _that_ old.” Jim rolled off his lover and onto his back, expressly upon his own side of the mattress. He sighed and pressed a hand to his forehead before scrapping his fingers through his hair. He looked at Harvey. “Mind if I masturbate?”

 

At the unexpected question, Harvey shook his head. “No, by all means.” He rolled over onto his side facing away from Jim. “Knock yourself out.” He grunted when Jim moved, repositioned the blankets and closed his eyes. Within minutes he was asleep and the soft sounds of Jim’s ministrations carrying with him into his dreams.  For the first time in any important relationship Harvey found he could be completely honest with Jim and they would work out the details as they went. It as a secure feeling and enabled him to fully relax. If Jim was honest in return Harvey was more than confident they would make it to a justice of the peace and beyond.

 

For Jim, it wasn’t a question about honesty; he knew that Harvey was telling him the truth. The fact remained that at some point Harvey would reach a saturation level that made it impossible for him to withstand Jim’s toxic presence any longer. Until that time, Jim was dead set upon enjoying himself. He required a little decompression before winding down to rest and if Harvey could sleep through the longing moaning of his name then who was Jim to argue?

 

The atmosphere between them was not awkward in the morning. They went about their new routines of lovers and roommates at home, and professional partners at work. They were half way through the work shift when the previous night was referenced, and not in an unexpected way.

 

“So,” Harvey paused to take a bite of his burrito and swallowed it before continuing, “The game we were supposed to watch the other night was a complete waste of electricity, over paid bastards. They get to enjoy millions of dollars while slubs like us are making vic notifications to children. S’not fair.” He shook his head and took another bite.

 

Jim smirked mischievous in his response; “Yeah. Bet they also don’t have to masturbate in the bathroom while their wives are asleep. They all have girls waiting on the side.”

 

Harvey snorted and licked some sour cream off his thumb in such a manner that Jim was having some serious dirty thoughts.  “You did not do it courteously in the bathroom.” He pointed at Jim with his opposite hand. “And I’m not the wife. No one is, okay?”

 

Jim chuckled and swallowed a bite of his own meal. The two men were standing in the park near the entrance three buildings down from where they purchased their lunch. Jim had wanted to see a little greenery and they had been sitting most of the day. And as Harvey pointed out calories consumed when standing by some magic ‘didn’t count’ on the waist line.

 

“You’d look darling in an apron you know that, right?”

 

Harvey frowned and pushed one of Jim’s shoulders firmly but not enough to knock him backwards.  “Quit trying to rile me up, Junior. Before I put you in a full body cast.” Yet Harvey laughed over the last two words and Jim’s impish grin was dazzling. He was a stupid, Irish, old fart deeply in love for the first and last time in his life with someone over a decade younger.

 

Jim took a bite of his lunch and Harvey mirrored the action both chewing in silence and Harvey struggling not to smile. Jim seemed particularly amused by his partner’s idol threats. A quick swipe of a napkin to the corner of his mouth to attend to errant guacamole and Jim said, “You know, there’s another game on tonight if you’re interested in _watching_ it.”

 

Harvey’s eyes sparkled. Yes. He wanted to ‘watch’ the game and do dirty things to Jim that they had been interrupted by the homicide call seventy-two hours ago. “Sure, but this time I get to be on top.” He winked at the play on words as Jim had been straddling his lap when they received the case call. Jim blushed slightly despite already having explored a vast majority of sexual acts with his lover.

 

“Okay.” Jim agreed handing Harvey a napkin before motioning to his own face to show his partner where to wipe his beard. “But before my legs go numb we change positions.”

 

Harvey responded by flipping Jim the bird and listening to him laugh lightly in mock berating of his lover’s ‘advanced’ age.

 

“It had to be said.” Jim further teased and Harvey nodded at him with a jut to his chin. 

 

“Tomorrow you pay for lunch. You need to be nice to your elders.”

 

Jim sighed admonishingly. “You’re not _that_ old.”

 

“I’m old enough. Now finish up so we can get this day over with and home.”  The slow spread of Jim’s smile was contagious, damn him. The shift from work mode to lovers was nearing seamless as of late. Normally such an escalation would have given Harvey pause at how natural it felt, but with Jim? Everything was different, better. He felt like an Irish version of Goldilocks and everything was ‘just right’. There were fewer and fewer moments that he doubted that Jim felt the same; or if he did Harvey was too far gone to see it.

 

“Home’s good. But we better drink a few first with the guys after shift. Just for appearances sake.” Harvey’s smile faltered a little but he nodded, nearly breathless when Jim added, “When we get home I’ll make you scream my name and come so hard you black out.”

 

“I look forward to it.”

 

Jim moved closer into Harvey’s orbit and looked up from the length of Harvey’s body to his lips and finally settled on his eyes. “You should. When have I ever been known to break my word to you?”

 

Harvey swallowed at the shift of relaxed joviality shifted to something deeply sexual.  “Never.” He wasn’t certain if the word dribbled from his lips or he merely imagined the attempt to say it, either way Jim seemed to have heard.

 

“So, _you_ ‘finish up’ because you’re going to need all your strength when I finally get my hands on you.”

 

He had died and gone to the most sexually charged version of heaven ever imagined. “Yes, sir.” He didn’t give Jim the salute but it was clearly implied and Army veteran Jim Gordon gave a curt nod in response, his free hand brushing Harvey’s thigh unexpectedly it made the older male start.

 

“As you were.” Jim’s predatory smile altered back to jovial ease and he stepped back from his lover as if nothing of any import had transpired between them. His voice back to a lighter, professional tone. He glanced at his wrist watch. “We have to go. Madlin should be reporting for work soon.”

 

Harvey’s thigh burned along the flesh just millimeters from his slightly hard cock. It wasn’t fair how instantly turned on he became around Jim, but it was something he wouldn’t change for the world. He dumbly nodded the task of questioning their prime suspect slowly creeping into consciousness. His appetite evaporated, but he took a bite of his burrito anyway not trusting himself to speak. Sometimes dominate Jim was just what Harvey needed and he supposed that tonight Army Capitan James Gordon might make an appearance. Harvey’s spine shivered with the possibilities that would bring to the bedroom, all of them deliciously intriguing. Yet now they were at work and boundaries; of course, those were needed and this was a prime reason why; Jim was too damn sexy for Harvey’s own good. The thorough detective Jim was he must know and was using it to his advantage; granted that was the power move Harvey would play if tables were reversed. Again, he felt like ‘Irishlocks’ and was comfortably at Jim’s mercy. Jim walked away first towards a garbage can and Harvey followed.  He would follow Him anywhere sex-play, work or otherwise. He was in it for good and whatever happened between them he knew that it would be worth it in the end. Everything with Jim thus far had been.

 

From a fair distance, away the clicking of the digital camera’s shutter went unheard by the two GCPD subjects.

 

**Chapter two: The Art of Sex**

Harvey Bullock believed in god. He knew there had to be some omnipotent entity that was smiling down upon him. Because nothing this good could exist without divine creation. No one had ever touched him like this, moved him within his very core either in, or out of bed. All the sappy love songs ever written finally made sense. In fact, everything did if Harvey just thought about it; but he couldn’t think, could barely breathe even though he knew his chest was heaving, lungs drowning in oxygen and every cell in his body shuddering with joy and alive. Only Jim knew how to take him apart like this and fuse him back together better than he’d been before. Nothing felt like this, nothing and Harvey would traverse hell and back just too luxuriate in sensory overload like this. Jim’s hands on him, mouth, body, everything was all too perfect, too much; but he withstood it as sex with Jim Gordon was indeed _phenomenal_. And yeah, Jim had not only made good on his word but he was nearly killing Harvey yet he wouldn’t stop him for the world. Never.

 

Jim’s forehead pressed against his own as their breathing synchronized and kisses subsided while they just breathed into one another.  As their heartbeats slowed Jim moved to rest his forehead against Harvey’s right shoulder, his cheek pressed against Harvey’s kisses from his lips peppering Harvey’s heated flesh. He grabbed Jim at the nape with one hand, fingers fanning up into his sweat drenched hair and held him tightly down upon him with the opposite arm.

 

“M’not going anywhere.” Jim half whispered, half breathed across Harvey’s freckled skin.

 

“I know.” Harvey exhaled holding on to this euphoric high as long as possible. “Just making sure.” He allowed Jim to raise his head, their eyes locking in the dimness of the room.

 

Jim’s fingers stroked Harvey’s cheek. “I promise. I’m not. Going. _Anywhere_.” The self-deprecating comment of disdain Harvey had prepared died upon his lips as Jim kissed him tenderly making Harvey momentarily forget how to speak. Their gazes locked once more and Jim smiled affectionately. “Trust me?”

 

Harvey made an affirmative sigh and pulled Jim’s head back down once more, the sentiment far too great to endure for now. He stroked down the back of Jim’s head to the nape and shifted a little eliciting a groan of pleasure from his lover. He adored how vocal Jim was with him. At first it had embarrassed him wondering what the neighbors might think, but several months into his love affair with Jim, he didn’t give a fuck what any stranger might have to say on the matter. Jim was settled comfortably upon Harvey’s bulk and that’s the way Harvey preferred it. He loved to be the foundation of everything Jim built on, both metaphorically and literally. His opposite palm soothed down the length of Jim’s spine and he closed his eyes.

 

“I trust you Jim. More than you know.”

 

Jim chuckled softly and turned his head to face Harvey’s throat, cuddling down and burrowing forward. “I know how much you love me. I’m a detective remember?”

 

Harvey had to smile at that as he placed a gentle kiss upon Jim’s forehead. “I’m serious, Jim.”

 

“So am I.” Jim raised his head and they looked at one another.  “You think I don’t know? That I haven’t seen the way you look at me? Hear it in your voice every time you almost tell me that you love me?” Jim felt Harvey blanch beneath him and he quickly moved to push at Harvey’s opposite cheek to make certain eye contact remained. “Hey, hey. Listen to me. Harvey. It’s alright. I want you to say it. I realized you felt that way pretty early on and, well.” Jim took a visible breath and smiled. “Don’t you know that I feel the same?”

 

Harvey’s smile was the epitome of adoration. “You might have mentioned it once or twice in a way.”

 

“Well,” Jim paused, body shifting and Harvey gasped as Jim’s moving caused his cock to slip a little bit out of Harvey. “Then what’s the problem?”

 

“That you’re going soft.” Harvey couldn’t help but fling the innuendo into Jim’s face, but soothed the words by kissing his lover passionately before adding, “I want to keep you here longer.”

 

“I can tell.” Jim chuckled squinting a little as Harvey clenched down around him. The inevitable would happen but for a few more seconds at least they wouldn’t be parted.  “Not that I’m complaining.”

 

“Better not be. You think I do this for just anybody?”

 

Jim’s brow furrowed as mock concern edged into his tone. “How many boyfriends you got, Bullock?”

 

“Five less than you, Junior; but it’s longevity that matters.”

 

Jim’s eye brows raised. “Oh, is it? Huh, well I guess I better get comfortable then.” He squirmed a little and Harvey grabbed him by the ass with both hands to keep him steady.  “Yes? Can I help you?”

 

“Yeah, by not moving.” Harvey admonished affectionately as a new kissing session erupted between them. Fifteen minutes later they were both cleaned up and cuddled beneath the bedclothes, Jim’s back to Harvey’s chest, spooning one another. Harvey held Jim protectively as he was want too, as he explained it ‘S’just another service I offer aside from sarcasm’.

“Harvey?”

 

Harvey’s answer was low and sweet just behind Jim’s left ear. “Yeah?”

 

“I think we should get tested.”

 

“For what?”

 

Jim looked over his shoulder, raising his head from the pillow.  “For everything. I want to stop having to use condoms. Don’t you?”

 

Harvey went from guarded to ecstatic in the space of a heartbeat. This wasn’t rejection, this was clear commitment. Relaxing muscles he didn’t realize had tensed, Harvey nuzzled up into the back of Jim’s head with his nose.

 

“Yes. I do.”

 

Jim lay his head back down and patted the arm snuggly fitted against his abdomen.  “We can get the blood draw over lunch.”

 

“You that in a hurry for- “

 

“ _Yes_.” Jim interrupted stroking Harvey’s arm.  “To be honest? It’s for your protection. I don’t need a test result to tell me you’re clean.”

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Jim. But should I be worried- “

 

“No. But I don’t want you wondering in the back of your mind every time we have sex.” Which was frequently and Jim didn’t want to risk any sort of concern on Harvey’s part.

 

“Jim, I trust you- “

 

“It’s not about trust Harvey.” Jim turned a little in the older male’s embrace to look at him. “It’s about facts, and I want definitive results that show both of us that I’m clean too.”

 

“Okay then.” Harvey rubbed his hand over Jim’s belly hoping to calm him. “We’ll give blood and see what _both_ our results say, and then don’t worry about it ever again. Alright, Jim?”

 

Jim nodded and burrowed his cheek back into his pillow. “Deal.”

 

Harvey kissed the back of Jim’s neck tenderly and held him closer.  “Now let’s get some sleep” Jim muttered something that might have been an affirmative response and fell quiet. After a few minutes, Harvey tumbled into sleep. This was another mile stone in their relationship and he couldn’t be happier. Obviously, Jim had been thinking about it for a while, mulling it over and that alone pleased Harvey. What they shared wasn’t merely a fling in any sense of the word, not to Jim and certainly not to Harvey.

 

**Chapter three: White Washed**

Harvey knew he wasn’t the best house keeper in the world. Hell, he was lucky if his apartment didn’t have roaches or rats; he knew that much. However, Jim? He was another story altogether. Jim liked things orderly, in their place, clean, so Harvey made every concession he could to facilitate his boyfriend’s preferences. Like hiring a cleaning service to come in once a week and give the apartment a thorough once over, including changing the sheets and towels. As for laundry, well that was still up to the two men to handle, so anything that Jim didn’t dry clean was for washing.  Harvey used to get his dress shirts dry cleaned and starched yet the need for maid service curtailed those funds. Not that he was complaining; living with Jim far outweighed the inconveniences he experienced. They were trifles and being in love with Jim was everything to Harvey.

 

And so that was how he came to be standing in the apartment basement, doing laundry at a quarter midnight. He was grousing at having to button all the buttons on the dress shirts before stuffing them into the washing machine. There were better things he could be doing, like going back upstairs to get some sleep. He would press up against Jim and be gone in seconds, content, secure and loved.

 

“How’d the hell I get mustard on the collar?” Harvey frowned and raised the shirt collar to his nose giving it a perfunctory sniff. He frowned unable to smell the condiment and was about to stuff it in the machine when a movement caught his immediate attention.  There was someone in the basement with him even though he hadn’t heard the door open, the scuff of footsteps alerted him instantly that he was not alone.

 

“There’s nine machines open if you’re here for that.”

 

“What if I’m here to give my boyfriend a blow job?” Harvey smiled seeing Jim enter the laundry room, hanging back in the threshold of the door expression coy and body language sensual.

 

“Well then by all means,” Harvey stated turning his back to the washing machines and clutched the rim of one behind him with his hands. “come on over here and blow me away.”

 

Jim chuckled and sauntered over to where Harvey waited. He placed his hands on his lover’s hips and leaned forward to capture Harvey’s lips in his own, arms sliding around to rest his hands upon the machine behind Harvey’s back. “Not until you say it.” Jim searched Harvey’s gaze, his smile dancing in his gaze as well as upon his lips. “Say it Harv.”

 

Harvey laughed and ran a hand down the firm planes of Jim’s chest. “I love it, when you blow me?”

 

Jim grunted in disapproval and leaned forward to nip at Harvey’s bottom lip before pulling back to meet his gaze, right hand sliding between them to cup his lover’s crotch.  “No. Say. _It_ …”

 

Harvey pretended to consider his next words when really, he knew exactly what to say. His cock was rapidly filling and half way hard and Jim hadn’t even started rubbing yet.  “You’re such a sap Junior.” Harvey admonished sweetly his tone breathy. “Fine. I’ll say it.” He thumbed over one of Jim’s nipples and heard the sharp intake of breath. Their gazes locked and he quantified, “I love you.”

 

Jim moaned, hand moving expertly to fondle Harvey, bottom lip lightly bitten between his teeth before Jim leaned forward and devoured Harvey’s mouth in a fierce kiss. Pushing forward moments later he began caressing Harvey’s throat with gentle nips and light suckling before dropping to his knees as previously promised. Jim grabbed the back of Harvey’s denim covered thighs and rubbed his face over his lover’s crotch.

 

“I need you so goddamned much.”

 

Harvey’s head fell forward so he could watch the show below his waist and he tenderly pet Jim’s hair on the crown of his head.  “I’m never gonna say no.”

 

Harvey made a vow of his own and Jim responded by looking up at Harvey eyes full of lust, love and adoration. He was so beautiful Harvey felt emotion clog his throat and his knees buckled slightly, but Jim was right there; solid, supportive and aching to please him. Jim opened Harvey’s jeans and fished his cock out, moaning at how good his lover smelled to him, and felt to his touch. Without much preamble, Jim leaned forward and took the head of Harvey’s cock into his mouth, laved it with his tongue before sucking him to tip past his gag reflex and in seconds Jim had Harvey down his throat to the root. He moaned and reached up to steady the older man as Harvey’s knees finally gave out more than they held him standing.

 

“Shit…Jim!” Harvey moaned and bucked his hips forward and Jim took the thrust as he would take the others that followed. He was adept at giving head and Harvey couldn’t believe his good fortune in this arena. Jim genuinely enjoyed giving him blow jobs and Harvey was never one to say no to a good time. He did however return the favor, but if they were keeping some sort of tally; which they certainly were not; Jim would be significantly ahead of Harvey in the standings.  If neither one of them had any complaints who cared who blew whom more? Either way they both got off and were happier for the experience.

 

Jim lost himself easily in the action of suction and release, his head bobbing and throat vibrating with his moans of pleasure.  Harvey was thankful for the solid bank of washing machines behind him as his legs were shaking and certain to give out if Jim kept on doing what he was with his tongue.  Jim worked the tip of Harvey’s cock as thoroughly as he did the length of it when he swallowed it back down his throat.  Harvey closed his eyes and felt the orgasm building, the heat pooling in his stomach, the rapid fire of nerves along his spine, and the wave hit him hard and he shuddered, grabbing onto Jim’s head and coming down his throat and it was the most exhilarating feeling he had felt all day long and he knew what it was to finally be alive after so many years of stumbling through life asleep. Unaware; Unloved. Now that he had Jim there was no going back to how he had previously lived; a desperate, desolate existence that he could barely remember most days.

 

“Shit! Jim. Fu-uck!” Harvey slumped against the washing machines as Jim took a hold of the root of his cock and slowly pulled back, humming around the over sensitized flesh in his mouth. Once his mouth was free his hand slid up the girth of Harvey and his thumb played lightly at the head for several seconds as his lover slowly landed from his euphoric high. “Jim…” Harvey breathed affectionately and stroked Jim’s blond hair and then beautiful face.  “Look at you. Goddamn you’re gorgeous.”

 

Jim smirked tenderly. “Me? What about you? You’re so flushed and disheveled, I made you lose it and you’re beautiful when you come.” Jim rubbed his check over and kissed Harvey’s cock gently as not to cause him pain. Harvey purred as Jim put his lover back into his under clothing and pants, before rising to stand before him.  “So, fucking hot. I love seeing you like this.” Jim stroked some of Harvey’s red and gray hair behind his ears and kissed him fully, gentle and possessive all at once. He left Harvey’s jeans open and ground his hips and own hard on against Harvey’s deflated pelvic region.  “I could just let you fuck me right here and now.”

 

“Sorry Jim.” Harvey laughed softly between chase kisses. “I blew my load. Gotta give me some recovery time and then I’ll bend you over something and fuck you blind. Okay?”

 

“Mmm, yes. More than ‘okay’.” Jim rubbed his check against Harvey’s like a cat marking its scent. “I want it.”

 

“I can tell.” Harvey pat a hand upon Jim’s ass and held him close and kissed him several more times before meeting his gaze and adding, “Go upstairs and wait for me?” Jim shook his head and touched some of the dirty clothes on the machine behind his lover. “Cause if you don’t, I’m not going to be able to get anything done and come tomorrow morning you’ll be looking for clean underwear and cursing me.” Harvey hooked a thumb back over his shoulder in indication.

 

Jim sighed plaintively. “Only because I love you and you asked.” Jim acquiesced with a tender kiss to Harvey’s swollen lips.  “See you upstairs?”

 

“Fast as I can get there.” One last kiss and then Harvey watched Jim walk away, the view inspiring to his sexual hunger. “I am one lucky son of a bitch.” There was no one with him to brag too, or so he thought as he turned back around to continue with the laundry. The small camera perched beneath a supply shelf went unnoticed, hidden nearly completely from view.  The digital feed was being recorded to a server halfway across Gotham upon which the photographs from the park were also stored.  The camera’s in their air ducts and other hidden places in the apartment were all live streaming to the server, catching Jim entering the apartment and pulling his tee shirt off over his head and walk to the bedroom to finish stripping off.

 

“One lucky son of a bitch indeed.”

 

**Chapter four: Nothin’ but the Rain**

Harvey allowed Jim to over sleep; only by half an hour but it was enough for Jim to have the bathroom to himself and by the time he was dressed Harvey was already seated at the table for breakfast.  Since they had been living together they spent most mornings eating in; gone were the quick and unhealthy meals crammed in their faces while they drove into the station house.  Now the act was more leisurely unless they had a particularly urgent case that had the entire precinct on alert.  When Jim moved past the dining table on his way into the kitchen he paused long enough to pet Harvey’s hair and glance at the headline on the news article his lover was reading before granting a chaste kiss and leaving. He loved the way that Harvey’s glasses perched on the ridge of his nose just so, half way down so that the progressive lenses performed best for his close reading. The habit also made him appear studious and Jim had to admit he loved Harvey’s intelligence, even if the older man concealed it more than flaunted it unlike Jim. The understated sophistication was a turn on, like a secret that only Jim knew and a joke they played on the rest of the world. He couldn’t help smiling at the vision of his lover reading the paper while Jim poured his coffee and made a quick meal of eggs and some fruit.

 

“Okay Boy Scout,” Harvey mused over the edge of the newspaper noting to Jim that he was edging away from home life into work mode by the chosen selection of nickname. “I don’t want to hear it but I bet a few horses today and will be checking the results this afternoon. Got it?”

 

“When you lose don’t say anything. Copy that.” Jim teased behind an affectionate smile. The comment garnered him a terse frown from Harvey but Jim remained playful. Seconds later Harvey was smiling too and Jim’s innocent expression had done its job well.  It wasn’t until late that afternoon that Jim’s entire life exploded and turned his heart inside out into shreds.

 

Harvey had gone to a sister police station to pick up a report personally that had baring upon one of their own open cases, as well as pick up his winnings from his bookie. The smug expression was the last Jim had seen upon his partner’s face. The time he should have returned come and gone, and no phone call. At first Jim hadn’t been worried as he thought he would get a return call shortly. It was when a few more hours’ drug on that he began to internally panic. By nightfall tens of calls, and an APB had been issued, uniformed and detectives alike searching for Harvey.  Outwardly Jim wore a stoic expression though the worry reflected in the darkened blue of his gaze. The separation of work and home life was rapidly blurring and Jim was struggling to only appear worried enough as a partner not a lover.

 

Thirty-seven hours later and Captain Enssen called Jim into her office for a private meeting to urge him to go home and try and eat something and get a few hours of sleep.  It wasn’t a request so in the end Jim compromised by promising a shower, change of clothing and a meal. By the time he dragged himself through the front door into the apartment, his body was screaming for at least two hours of sleep. Jim ignored the urge and chewed and swallowed a tasteless sandwich while he stood staring at the dining table chair where he had just so recently teased and had his lover with him hale and whole.  The knock on the door was not only unexpected but filled him with dread.

 

Instinct had his hand on his service weapon, holster unfastened; as he glanced through the peep hole. A message courier? Upon opening the door Jim took in every detail of the messenger from his appearance to the brown wrapped box in his hand. “Detective Jim Gordon? I have a delivery for you.”

 

The next two minutes Jim had a fistful of the messenger’s jacket and was demanding details of who the sender was and when the courier couldn’t answer and directed him to an 800 number to call for details, Jim recognized he was losing it. A few neighbors had peeked outside their doors and were watching due to Jim’s raised voice and he had no choice but to let the messenger go, only after demanding to see his identification to get his full name and address. These he committed to instant memory and disappeared back into the apartment slamming the door behind him. His chest heaved as he took the box to the dining table. He couldn’t explain the sickened intuition that told him that this was not a good sign. He didn’t receive mysterious packages late in the evening or not know their origins. With shaking hands, he pulled off the shipping label and no sender information was visible, at least in that the courier had not mislead him. It wasn’t until Jim opened the shoe box and saw the two severed fingers that his stoic veneer broke completely.

 

His head spun, heart raced, stomach lurched and he had run to the sink to vomit, his legs giving out seconds later. Scrabbling against the counter Jim lowered himself to the floor and the sobs consumed him. He had no proof; no data that said the two fingers in the box were Harvey’s. The only thing he knew was that they were male, human fingers and the approximate color and size of his partner’s but that didn’t mean that they _were_. Such data needed to be assessed through finger printing and to do that he had to call the delivery in. Essen would need CSU involved and the fact that Harvey and his living arrangements would be discovered was the least of his concerns. Who had Harvey and why had they sent Jim two of his fingers?


	2. Chapters 5 through 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey's been abducted and Jim's fighting to work the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own. All comments, questions, suggestions are welcome.
> 
> Still for my muse in this fandom, Starrrz.

 

**Chapter five: A Most Sour Note**

Ed Nygma loved his job and loved solving mysteries and riddles even more. “The typed note in the bottom of the box merely read, ‘Two times wed, third time dead.’ Not a very well versed rhyme if you ask me.” Then he went on to answer Captain Enssen’s request to know the identity of person who had been previously attached to the fingers.

 

If Jim hadn’t been so hyper vigilant about noticing the minutest of details he wouldn’t have seen the ever so slight upward curl of the corners of Ed Nygma’s mouth when he revealed that the fingers were Detective Harvey Bullock’s.  Jim flew at him, grabbed the lab jacket in both hands; probably taking some skin with it; and slammed Nygma down upon the desk on his back screaming in his face what could possibly be funny about a tortured coworker’s body parts showing up in the mail? It took two Uniformed and one Detective to pry Jim away from the completely terrified CSU technician. Even as they shoved him bodily back Jim was trying to push through their barrier and reach Nygma to tear his face off his skull just to see if he would still be laughing then.

 

It was Enssen’s mom voice that finally cut through Jim’s rage to ground him once more and still his struggling.  “Jim!” she shrieked and after several attempts got him to look at her.  She lowered her tone to a reasonable level while two other Uniforms aided Ed to stand up and whisked him away from the bullpen, crumpled report now tromped on beneath his own feet. Once he was away Enssen motioned for the three acting bouncers to leave her vicinity. She took Jim by one arm and held his gaze.

 

“I know he’s you’re partner. We’re all doing everything we can to find him. You know it’s our top priority but I can’t have you attacking lab techs for no reason.”

 

“But he- “

 

“No!” Enssen reprimanded as someone might when training a dog to heel. “You’re exhausted and irrational. Go home and get some sleep. Eat something hot. But don’t come back until tomorrow. If something turns up before then I promise we’ll call you immediately.”

 

“Bench me?” Jim demanded in disbelief. “The package was sent to me. I’m the one this sick fuck is contacting so I should be the one person you keep on this case!”

 

Enssen raised a hand for him to silence and narrowed her gaze. In a normal situation, she would call him out for insubordination but this was nowhere near a usual situation.  “That is why I said to go home for the rest of the day and rest. Come back tomorrow. You’re doing Bullock no favors by killing yourself. You need to be strong and you can’t do that without any sleep. Do it for Bullock, because he’s going to need you more than ever once we bring him home.”

 

Home. Jim had been so intent upon locating Harvey and saving him that he hadn’t even considered what the aftermath would be like. And he had no time to dwell on or problem solve now either.  His heart was shattered, he was terrified to his core and his eyes filled with errant tears as he stared at Enssen willing her to say anything but that; anything but tell him he was temporarily benched from the search.  She hadn’t mentioned the fact that the package had been delivered to him at Harvey’s apartment, but he saw something shift in her expression and he suspected she knew; at least considered that there was more to his relationship with Harvey then just mere partners on the job; more than friendship.

 

“I’m point of contact.” Jim reminded as his voice cracked with raw emotion. “I should be here regardless of anything else.” Jim swallowed as confidence crept back into his tone. “You know that so even if you send me home, I’m going to keep looking.” Jim felt Enssen’s fingers dig into his bicep in frustration.

 

“Rappaport and Douglas!” Enssen called to the two uniformed officers that had helped wrestle Jim off Nygma earlier.  Her gaze remained locked upon Jim’s. “Please escort Detective Gordon home and baby sit him until he at least gets seven hours of sleep.” She looked at the two approaching men. “Sit on him if you have too, but don’t leave him alone for an instant.”

 

“Yes Captain. “Rappaport and Douglas answered in unison.

 

Jim was trapped and he didn’t appreciate Enssen’s superior expression. This wasn’t legal and he knew he’d never forgive her either. Placidly he followed the officer ahead of him and ignored the one to his left, his expression hard and chin jutted forward in determination.  They weren’t going to stop him.  It wasn’t until he was seated in the back of the police cruiser; just an insult to his existing humiliation; and he recited Harvey’s address out of habit that Jim realized he was fucked. Though it wasn’t as if the Uniforms knew where Harvey lived or not, but they knew Harvey and once in the apartment would see clear evidence of their cohabitation. The fact that the unit only professed only a single bedroom was not going to be unnoticed.  Jim arched his neck back upon the hard, plastic back seat of the cruiser and closed his eyes. He was exhausted and trying to find Harvey and keep their relationship a secret abruptly didn’t feel that important. Let them know; let them all feel and think whatever they were want to, but Jim was not going to stop fighting to find his partner. No. Fucking. Way.

 

Jim didn’t offer either Uniform anything to eat or drink, but Douglas helped himself anyway. Jim cared less about their presence unless they stood in his way when he was trying to do some menial task. Everything was insignificant now that Harvey was gone.  Jim’s chest constricted to the point of crushing him to his knees if he even considered the definition of the word ‘gone’, so he shoved the thought aside and changed from his suit to a pair of old jeans and a Clash band tee shirt. He asked if he could at least sleep without someone standing over the bed and since there was no place to sit that wasn’t the bed itself, both Rappaport and Douglas agreed to stand outside the bedroom door. There was no escape route outside of the building that wouldn’t have to go through the living space where the two officers were so they elected to give Jim at least this privacy.

 

Once alone with the bedroom door cracked Jim began pacing back and forth before the foot of the bed. He was wracking his brain over case after case that might shed some light on whom was behind the abduction and mutilation of Harvey. After an hour of pacing and mentally scrolling through case files Jim came up empty handed. He clenched his fists, wrists crossed, arms bent above his head. He suppressed a scream of frustration and rage, pain coring him from the inside out. Harvey, he had to find Harvey or his life would never be the same again.  Jim swallowed and struck his first one fist and then the second against the bedroom wall, cracking plaster and sending both Rappaport and Douglas running into the door frame.  He glared at them, silently challenging one or both of them to take a step into his domain and neither man moved, sensing Jim was mad enough to rip their heads off of their necks with his bare hands.

 

“I can’t just stay here! I need to be out there looking for him. Doing something other than standing here with my thumb up my ass!” His knuckles were bleeding but he took no heed of any injury; they were minor ones anyway and would be practically healed within twenty-four hours.  The bruising would linger but the cuts would fade.

 

“Sorry Gordon but we have our ord- “

 

“Which are bullshit!” Jim declared bitterly anger consuming his tone. “ _I_ was the point of contact. Harvey is _my_ partner, everything circles back around to  me and I should be out on the streets instead of caged like some stray dog- “Jim fell silent as there was a loud knock on the apartment front door. All three men glanced at one another and Jim barreled past both uniformed officers and yanked the door open. His features blanched gray when he saw it was another courier. It barely registered that this time the man was holding a large envelope.

 

“Are you Jim G- “

 

“Yes!” Jim yanked the envelope out of the man’s grip and slammed the door shut, he was tearing the envelope open when the two uniformed officers joined him.

 

From the opposite side of the door a plaintive, “Excuse me? Mr. Gordon? You have to sign for the delivery.”

 

Jim tucked the envelope underneath his left arm and yanked the door open a second time. The expression on his face was enough to make the messenger take a step back, especially when he saw that there were two police officers standing behind Jim. Trembling hands held out an electronic device and stylus pen.  “Just initials will do. Something to show you received- “Jim seized the device and stylus and hurriedly scrawled a signature and thrust both items back at the messenger. “Okay, thank you. Have a- “The door slammed in his face. “day.”

 

Rappaport immediately said, “More evidence? We better call Captain Enssen and C- “

 

“No!” Jim rounded on both officers. “Not yet. Not until I open this.” He glared at the officers. “In _private_!”

 

Rappaport and Douglass exchanged glances and Douglas bravely ventured. “We can’t leave you alone in a room with an exit to the outer perimeter. Captains orders.”

 

Jim inhaled sharply and side stepped both Uniforms and returned to the bedroom. This time he closed and locked the door.  He said nothing to them as he walked away from the door and reached inside the envelope to withdraw the contents.  A typed letter, a case file evidence room chit and a set of black and white photographs, eight and half by ten.  Jim flipped through the photos, of him and Harvey in the park so many afternoon’s ago at lunch, the two of them getting into their squad car at a wittiness’s store, and finally three pictures of them in bed in various positions doing very private and personal things to one another.

 

Jim grabbed the evidence room chit and read it, there was one section highlighted for a set of accounting ledgers. The case number was older, one that Jim didn’t recognize as it had been nearly a decade since the evidence had been logged, but he had a fairly good idea that it was one of Harvey’s old files. His gut twisted and he opened the letter which had been folded perfectly in half. It read:

 

_“Bring the ledgers to the park where you were in the photographs._

_Leave them on the bench at the west entrance and go home._

_Detective Bullock will be released to you within twenty-four hours of delivery of the ledgers._

_No back up, no tricks, no tails._

_You have six hours to comply or Detective Bullock loses a hand.”_

 

Jim shoved the pictures from home between the mattress and box spring on Harvey’s side of the bed and then shoved the remaining photographs and items back into the envelope.  Threw open the bedroom door which Douglas and Rappaport were hovering around. He left the envelope on the bed and went to the dining table to grab one of the chairs. After taking the chair into the bedroom he came back out and opened the auxiliary closet in the entry way and pulled a screw driver out of their tool kit.  Upon returning to the bedroom he stood up on the chair and began taking the screws out of the air vent. After lifting the grate off his heart fell at the sight of the small camera. He pulled it out of the duct, wires trailing and looked at Rappaport and Douglas.

 

“Do a sweep. Check everything. There must be more of these. If you find anything other than cameras let me know immediately.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Rappaport rendered out of habit and he and Douglas split up to cover the entire apartment. Jim remained in the bedroom and began tearing the place apart looking for other surveillance equipment.  Between the three cops they found ten cameras each equipped with audio capabilities as well.

 

“We need to call this in.” Rappaport declared eyeing Jim and then his partner Douglas.

 

Jim shook his head.  “No, you’re not. Take me back in and I’ll tell Enssen myself and show her the evidence.” Jim motioned the envelope he had left in the bedroom. Both uniformed officers agreed and Jim went to fetch the envelope, his badge and gun, and a leather jacket from the auxiliary closet.  So much for Enssen’s orders about sleep, Jim thought smugly to himself. But at least he had a lead now.

 

**Chapter six: No Misbehavin’**

“Neman Cassidy. An accountant with a penchant for child pornography and cooking the books for an Aerospace Engineering company out of state.” Jim had the archive box upon Enssen’s desk and was digging through the files and detective note books; one of which he was flipping through with Harvey’s distinctive writing upon the pages.  He tried not to think about that and only read the information, between the lines if he could and found himself imagining his lover a decade younger.  “Bullock has a margin note that there was a possible connection to book keeping for a congressmen’s fundraising organization.” Jim looked up at Essen.  “The only questions are. who wants the books when Cassidy is in jail? And where are they keeping Harvey?”

 

Enssen frowned. “Regardless we can’t hand over actual evidence any more than we can provide fake ledgers. The twenty-four-hour period for release is obviously for authentication.”

 

Jim nodded in agreement. “And that’s also assuming they’ll keep to the note and release Bullock alive.”  Jim didn’t want to think about that the note said nothing about living or dead, only that Harvey would be on his way back to him.  His mouth was dry, his head felt light but he wasn’t going to succumb to exhaustion now. Once back at the precinct Jim had gone straight into Enssen’s office and showed her the note and evidence chit but not bothered with the photographs. At least those two were benign and no trace clues had been found on the original delivery or packaging. Jim was confident that the same would be said for the new items once he turned them into CSU. He had also boxed up the ten cameras and tasked Douglas with taking them to Nygma, while Rappaport was sent to archives for the Cassidy case files.

 

“I asked Morerro and Alvarez to check the witness list and Cassidy’s family still in Gotham. See if anyone pops as potential for the abduction. I’ll go push them along.” She pointed a finger at Jim. “You stay.”

 

Jim wasn’t a dog so the instant Enssen was down in the bullpen with her back turned, Jim was out the door and flying down the stair case to the basement and evidence lock up. Jim knew the clerk on duty and though the woman; Shelia Burton; wasn’t particularly fond of him she was sympathetic regarding Harvey’s abduction. With some well-timed tear filled eyes and enhanced lies that were closer to the truth than Jim was comfortable with admitting, Burton allowed him access to the lock up. While he wasn’t supposed to remove the ledgers; only look at them without signing in so Enssen would believe he had never touched them or been to the basement; Jim stole them outright. While Burton was distracted with another detective’s request, Jim slipped out the security door with the books; three in all; tucked underneath his left arm. Within minutes he was in the motor pool driving the squad car that he and Harvey habitually checked out to the exit. He drove half way to the park before he pulled the car over and looked at the ledgers. After a perfunctory thumbing through he noted a few patterns but still had little idea what exactly he was looking at. He began a more thorough examination and snapping photographs of the pages to preserve some of the original evidence hoping it was enough. It was then that Jim noticed the back cover of one of the ledgers had something strange about it. Tugging at the paper glued to the back cover he noted that a corner was loose. Carefully he peeled the sheet back to reveal a list of addresses around Gotham written on the hard cover. Some of the address had notation symbols beside them and Jim felt his heart sink. Whatever the addresses meant, they were what the abductor was after. Jim was certain of it.

 

Jim speed dialed the precinct and asked to talk to Alvarez and told him to start running down the locations he was sending a photo list of to his cell, and get back to him with what buildings they belonged too as quickly as humanly possible.  He hung up the phone, sent the file and picked up the phone when it rang five minutes later on the first ring.

 

“What did you find?”

 

“You, gone from my office.” Enssen growled bitterly on the opposite end of the conversation.  “I ordered you to stay put Gordon- “

 

“I have a lead and I needed to follow it.” Jim explained interrupting her. He didn’t care if it was rude, the clock was ticking against him and he wasn’t about to allow Harvey’s hand to be cut off just because he was held up needlessly by superiors.

 

“What lead?”

 

“The ledgers.” Jim explained. “There’s addresses hidden in the back of them. I know they mean something and Alvarez is checking on locations for me. A couple of them look familiar but there has to be a pattern.”

 

“You’re in evidence lock up?”

 

“No Captain, I’m on my way to the park for the meet.  You can arrest me later, when he’s safe. I’m sorry but he’s more important than my career, or reputation, or, or _anything_. I have to keep the line clear for when Alvarez returns my call.”

 

Enssen clenched her fingers tighter around the phone handset.  “Fine. I’ll help him run down the addresses. But you stay away from the park until we get back to you. Understand? You disobeyed me once Jim but I swear to all that’s holy if you do now- “

 

“I won’t.” Jim vowed honestly. “Not unless we’re too close to the deadline.” And really, that was all he had left to give quarter on. Their conversation severed and Jim wiped some sweat off his forehead.  They were going to beat the clock, they were going to get Harvey back, there would be no more deliveries of body parts. Everything was going to be fine. This mantra looped on repeat inside Jim’s head but he didn’t have much faith in the words and could only convince himself of so much at one time.

 

**Chapter seven: Harvey**

He had left the bookie and was walking back towards the car he had borrowed from the motor pool when the green, windowless van rolled up onto the side walk, the side door slid open and two men in rabbit masks dragged him into the car, fighting and clawing. He remembered the blow to the head and how it hurt, then darkness. Nothing but oblivion. He didn’t know how long it was until he awoke with a black, canvas bag over his head tied to a chair. He could see a little through the canvas but not enough to really ascertain his whereabouts, only that there were two other people in the room with him. The hood got ripped off taking a little of his hair with it from the fist clench of his captor and he cursed them, his head spinning.

 

“Don’t be rude, Detective Bullock.” An unfamiliar voice rained down on him from behind. Scratch that, there were three people in the room with him. “Especially since you and I are going to become very close friends.”  The voice behind him walked around to stand before him and Harvey’s gaze focused in instant recognition.

 

“Randal Clarkson. The Senator Arron Clarkson’s eldest and dearest. How ya been Randy? Talked to Cassidy lately? Oh yeah, that’s right. You rich types don’t slum it visiting buddies in jail. Do you at least pay into his commissary fund once or twice a month?”

 

Randal’s expression pinched and he punch Harvey in the gut. “I said, don’t be rude. The more you defy my requests the more pain you’ll endure. Understand?”

 

Harvey coughed a little and looked up through his hair at his captor.  “Let’s just cut to the chase, huh? What is it you want Clarkson? Kidnapping a cop is risky; even if you’re rich as god.”

 

Randal huffed through his nostrils dismissively.  “What I want? Is nothing that your partner Jim Gordon isn’t going to provide me with. What will happen to you if he doesn’t come through? Well, let’s just say it won’t be at all pleasant.”

 

Harvey sneered at his captor. “Jim’s a boy scout and won’t play ball. You’re wasting your time- “

 

This time Randal backhanded Harvey across the face to silence him.  “Jim Gordon is a man that fancies himself in love with you. He’ll do what I tell him to do. Or risk exposure; your death; he’s not going to ignore my orders.”  Randal snapped his fingers and one of the other men in the room handed him an eight by ten photograph from one of the many nights Jim and Harvey had made love. He showed it to Bullock, disgust wrought in his features.  “In my estimation Detective, a man doesn’t ride your cock if he’s not as they say, ‘in to you’.” He lowered the photograph and watched Harvey’s gaze track it for a few seconds then spoke, demanding eye contact.  “And ride you he did.”

 

Harvey composed himself and narrowed his gaze at Randal. “At least he’s not an eight-year-old girl like you and Cassidy like. I mean, I always figured there was more to you two hanging out together then over chance conversation here and there about him doing your old man’s books. Kiddie porn; you two are the sick ones.”

 

Another back hand and this time Harvey’s lip bled.  “It doesn’t matter what either of us likes Detective Bullock. What matters is that Gordon is going to do what he’s told and you; most likely; will be back buggering him in a few days. See? I can be reasonable. Now, there is one little aspect of this scenario that I require your cooperation for.”

 

The two other men in the room began moving instantly and Harvey tried to keep tabs on them. The first one walked over to him and stood to the left side of the chair and grabbed Harvey’s hand and shoved a cutting board beneath it. He then pulled his pinky and ring finger out at an angle and held them fast. The second man brought over a portable bone saw and Harvey’s eyes lit up in horrific understanding. He looked at Randal who had taken several steps back to avoid blood splatter he presumed.

 

“I need to send Gordon instructions. I think this should get his attention. Don’t you?”

 

The bone saw began spinning and seconds later Harvey felt its bite and screamed.  He should have been thankful he supposed, that they used a sedaline torch to cauterize the wound left behind by the removal of his fingers to the top knuckle. Would have been if he hadn’t gone into to shock at the horror and agony of it all. He blacked out at one point and when he came too it was because water had been thrown into his face. One of the lackeys patted his cheek, slapping him to awareness and Harvey attempted to duck his head away from him.

 

“Listen,” The man said to him. “I’m not gonna hurt you if you behave yourself while the boss is gone. But when he comes back? Don’t look to me for help. Got it?” Harvey nodded and grunted agreement.

 

Somehow, he managed to scrape together the courage to say, “Is he… Is he going to go after Jim like this?”

 

The lackey shrugged. “I know he hates you though.”

 

“Yeah, I have that effect on people.” Harvey half laughed half sobbed. He fell to silence and slipped in and out of consciousness for the next several hours. When he awoke again it was so he could have bandages placed around his hand and a water bottle was held before his lips so he could drink. His stomach was sour, his head light and his entire body ached. He had the phantom sensation that his fingers were crushed, even though they had been removed. Pain; it was all about pain now and the slow passage of time. Harvey wondered where Jim was and if he was going to be alright. Harvey had no way of warning him about Clarkson, had no way of comforting him when the ‘message’ was delivered. He was helpless but he was not broken. He was going to get out of this and he was going to get back to Jim alive. Somehow.


	3. Chapter 8 through 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey comes home, but how much of him is left?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Starrrz

**Chapter eight: Illegible**

Jim found parking half a block from the park and every thirty seconds he checked his wrist watch anxiously. Time crawled towards the inevitable drop and both legal and moral repercussions for Jim. He cared about neither; all he cared about was getting Harvey back alive and in one piece. Minus two fingers; he wasn’t certain yet whom to hate, maybe Neman Cassidy, or someone else; made no difference. He would find out who was responsible and tear their head from their necks for what they had done to his lover and partner. Cops didn’t let other cops get tortured without exacting retribution and Jim was not about to allow this to slide. He started when his cell phone rang and picked it up before it even chirped a second.

 

“Gordon.” For a split second, he hoped it would be Harvey’s voice he heard next but it wasn’t; it was Sarah Enssen.

 

“Jim, we ran the addresses. The main connection we found is that they are all commercial businesses owned by the same property management company. Johnson, Lakewood and _Clarkson_.”

 

The name jarred Jim instantly. “Clarkson? That name appeared in Harvey’s notes. The senator?”

 

Enssen shook her head unseen by Jim. “I don’t think he’s the issue. The Clarkson in name in the firm belongs to his eldest son, Randal.”

 

Jim drummed the fingers of his right hand upon one of the ledgers, in the left he held his cell phone to his ear.  “Randal knew Cassidy. I remember his name from the witness lists.”

 

Enssen reached out to Alvarez and motioned to him to hand her a sheet of paper. “I have some uniforms dispatched to a handful of the addresses so far, three of them are under renovations. I’ll have word on the rest shortly.”

 

Jim frowned in thought. “Is the same construction company being used for all of them?”

 

“Two are the same, one’s different. I’ll check anymore that come up in the listings.”

 

Jim’s hand flattened upon the ledger. “What about financials? Are these properties making money or losing it?”

 

“We’re still digging, Jim. We just need more time.”

 

“We don’t have it!” Jim snapped harsher than he meant to. He was frustrated and regret tinged his tone as he closed his eyes for what he said next. “I have to get to the meet.”

 

Enssen sighed. “I suppose telling you- “

 

“I need him Sarah.” Jim interrupted knowing full well that legally he was in trouble once Harvey was back safe and sound. “Please, just honor the directions of the note; no back up. I’ll turn myself in once Harvey is home.”

 

Enssen’s jaw tightened. “I was only going to tell you to be careful. I’ll see you when you get back to the precinct and we’ll check out those addresses _together_.”

 

“And I’ll want to talk to Cassidy.” Jim edged in seeking permission. “Thanks Captain.” Jim’s tone was gentle for he knew that she cared for him and Harvey both more than just as subordinates. They were also her best detectives and her friends.

 

The call severed seconds later and Jim got out of the car and tucked the ledgers securely underneath his left arm. He felt the hard covers digging into his side as he strode towards the park entrance. The instructions had been clear; set the ledgers down upon the bench and walk away. He grappled with a few seconds of indecision before setting the books down upon the bench, looked around and didn’t see anyone or anything immediately suspicious. Time; that’s what he needed more of and that was the one commodity he didn’t have. How was he going to save Harvey if no lead came up to bring them to the same trajectory? He wanted to punch someone; physically take out all his frustration and fear on someone’s body for doing this to them; for hurting Harvey. Yet impotent and compliant was all he could be for the moment. So, for once Boy Scout Jim Gordon did what he was told and didn’t question it further.

 

Jamming his hands into the front pockets of his jeans Jim turned his back on the park bench and walked away.  By the time, he reached the car he was in a full panic sweat, chest heaving slightly and his limbs were shaking.

 

“Fuck!” He cursed wiping the perspiration from his forehead and staring at his hand like it was a foreign object.  He had to pull himself together, return to the station house and continue his search for Harvey’s whereabouts. Anything less was giving up and Jim Gordon didn’t quit; not when something so vital to his existence was involved. Seconds later Jim swallowed all emotion and set his expression into one of determination and thrust the key into the ignition and cranked the engine over.  There would be time for tears later, right now he had a job to do.

 

Everything hurt. He was hungry, or was it just nausea? He was thirsty; yeah, that was an understatement. And his asshole captors had allowed him to piss himself. Great, insult to injury and lastly, they had sawed off TWO OF HIS FUCKING FINGERS!!! When he got free from the zip ties and metal chair; _if_ he ever got free of the zip ties and metal chair; there was going to be pure hell to pay. At least these were the things that Harvey kept repeating to himself to keep from screaming and begging like a child. The agony was immense and couldn’t allow himself to dwell on Jim; what his lover must be feeling or doing during his absence. If Gotham started burning down block by block Harvey wouldn’t be surprised in the least. He would laugh while the flames licked at the walls because you shouldn’t be daft enough to steal something; hell _someone_ ; vital to Jim Gordon’s existence. And vital Harvey knew he was.

 

Jim said it in every look he gave him, smile he beamed, secret he shared, moan he gave: Harvey incited Jim to live and he was going to be damned if he was going to surrender quietly to anyone but his partner. They were cops, best friends and lovers. Yet if Harvey allowed himself to focus on that truth he would break, he knew he would. He was weak, in pain and longed for Jim to fret over him like a male version of Florence Nightingale. Harvey wanted to be home, or even at work; anywhere where Jim was waiting for him would do, if only they were back together.  He hallucinated sometimes; Harvey was certain of it. He slipped in and out of consciousness and he knew he had a fever. Maybe this was how anybody reacted to a traumatic injury and maybe, just maybe; something was wrong. Like blood poisoning. Or infection. Things they didn’t advertise in the brochures for fear of nobody would cut anyone’s fingers off anymore.  Harvey had to laugh at that. He was delirious? Already? Harvey thought he possessed far more fortitude but when in Rome….

 

“Wakey, wakey Detective.” Randal summoned slapping Harvey’s cheeks. “While I should decapitate you, and be done with it, an agreement is after all; an agreement.”

 

Harvey’s head lulled back and then to the right as he eyed Randal.  “So that’s how you’re gonna kill me. Nice choice. Though I would have gone with a bullet through the back of the head but what do I know? I’m just a cop.”

 

“Neman would like to see you dead, but now that I have what I want, you’re no longer relevant either way.” Randal pat Harvey on the head as if he were a dog.  “Don’t try and find me after this Detective Bullock. You won’t. And if you decide to try, I’ll cut off more of your Jim Gordon than just his fingers.” Randal let the threat hang in the air before turning abruptly and walking away. “You have your orders and reward.” He said to his lackeys.

 

Harvey watched the two men approach him.  “So, hi ya boys. Anyone wanna play Texas Hold ‘em? Aces don’t have to be wild.”  On threw the canvas bag over his head as another pulled a knife. “No? Shame…” He heard the snap of zip ties being severed and he was unceremoniously yanked to his feet. His legs were weak from disuse and he depended upon the support of the two men for several minutes before he could get his feet under him. His head swam and wanted to vomit more than he had before just after the blow to his head. He swallowed bile and held his tongue; although Randal had indicated he didn’t necessarily need to kill Harvey he was not convinced the man had only said that for show. He supposed that in a few minutes he would know for certain if he would ever see Jim again and tell him that he loved him.

 

**Chapter nine: Tears for Fears**

Twenty-four hours; the note had said that Harvey would be returned within twenty-four hours of the drop of the ledgers in the park. It was twenty-five hours and counting.  In that time, Jim had discovered that all the properties on the list were under remodeling and about seven different contracting companies were being used, two of which had business ties to Arron Clarkson’s family fortune.  After a rather violent conversation with Neman Cassidy Jim learned the significant of these buildings; each site had a hidden area somewhere that contained stashes of child pornography that Cassidy and Randal Clarkson passed between one another in a private circle of pedophiles with like tastes as they had.  Disgusted as Jim was each site was monitored for traffic and it wasn’t long before five of which had born arrests of lackey’s posing as construction workers to retrieve the stashes. By the twenty-eighth hour Jim was riding on a hair trigger ready to snap at the slightest infraction.

 

It was when the call came in that his entire world fell out from underneath him. Harvey had been found, at the park and was on his way to Gotham General to be treated for his injuries. He was conscious, alive, flirting with the ‘sassy nurses’ and demanding to have someone contact his partner Jim.  Jim didn’t recall any of the drive to hospital, only aware that he was there with surprisingly no damage to the car. He burst onto the floor he had been told Harvey’s room was on and barreled his way into the room past some well-wishing officers that were only static as his gaze locked on Harvey.

 

“Give us the room!” He ordered everyone out sharply though his eyes never wavered from Harvey. Once the hospital door swished closed Jim was the final steps to the hospital bed and his arms were around his lover, face burrowed into his neck and hands cradling his head gently.  “Harvey,” Jim breathed in disbelief and regret. “I was trying to find y- “

 

“I knew you were.” Harvey silenced emotion clogging his throat and tears stinging his eyes. He was hooked up to a heart monitor and I.V. but none of it mattered because Jim was here.  Harvey’s tears began to fall. “I knew.” He started to cry and Jim held him tighter, reached for Harvey’s left arm to guide his mutilated hand between them. He secured it snuggly with his grip against his chest, coddling Harvey as he cried tears of anguish and fear.

 

“You’re home now.” Jim managed to whisper past his own tears.  “I’ve got you and we’re safe.” Or would be once they located Randal Clarkson and dispatched him.  Jim stroked a hand down the back of Harvey’s hair. “We’re okay. I promise. Nothing’s changed between us.”

 

Harvey wanted to tell Jim that it had and they both knew it.  All he had to do was unbandage his left hand and show Jim the damaged flesh where his fingers had been. It might not alter if Jim would still love him or not, but it did change how sexually attracted to him he might be. And if anything, he knew that Jim would love him more now that he almost lost him than he ever had before. At least in that knowledge Harvey was secure, because he sure as hell loved Jim more now himself. He cried harder and clutched to Jim, vulnerable and devastated, shaking like he might come apart at the seams any second now. Jim constricted his embrace and kissed him on the forehead.

 

“I love you, Harvey.”  Jim barely heard the words echoed back to him but the important thing was that his lover had said them. Jim closed his eyes so grateful that they had this much-needed moment together before all the questions started and he must hand off the case to Enssen, or leave Harvey’s side. He wasn’t convinced he could do either at this point, but for now he was satisfied with just holding on to the love of his life and be grateful they both were here in the now.

 

Once Harvey was composed Jim wiped his face with a cool wash rag he got from the nurse and let him rest while he sat vigil upon the only chair in the room. He had moved it away from the window and was seated at Harvey’s bedside on it, oblivious to just how much it would take a toll on his back in a couple of days. It didn’t matter; nothing mattered except that Harvey was here and for now, that was more than enough. Jim held Harvey’s hand or was in some form of physical contact with him regardless of who entered the room be they cop or medical personnel. Harvey had talked Jim out of calling his family to break the news he was in hospital and a cover story as to why. He merely explained to Jim that for now all he wanted to do was get settled back at their apartment and tell them after the fact. The last thing he wanted was a revolving door of police and relatives clogging his room so that the medical personal had to yell, ‘make a hole!’ before they could get to him. Jim relented and honored Harvey’s decision. It wasn’t like his lover was refusing to _ever_ tell his family, merely postponing it so he could catch a breath and there was no shame in that.

 

Harvey woke up from a marathon nap of five hours and the blinds were shut in his room, the window dark around the edges outside. He looked over at Jim who had his arms bent upon the bed, and was face down in the triangle they created. The fingers of his right hand were resting lightly upon Harvey’s left forearm just above the bandaging of his hand. He couldn’t help but smile at the sentiment of ‘who needed a faithful watch dog when you had Jim Gordon protecting you’? He reached over with his right hand and gently stroked the soft strands of Jim’s hair upon the top of his head. At the touch Jim was instantly alert, raised his head slightly and returned Harvey’s affectionate smile with one of his own.

 

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

 

“Like I’m under a ton of bricks being eaten by piranhas’. You know, the usual.” He continued petting Jim’s hair. Jim took Harvey’s right hand and pressed the palm to his lips tenderly.

 

“Is there anything I can get you? Do? I’m just so glad you’re awake I, wait. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

 

“No, Jim. Stop, stop okay?” Harvey urged squeezing Jim’s hand with his right. “Relax. I’m not gonna disappear and no, I don’t need anything right now aside from you. Just, you know,” Harvey looked a little sheepish and his cheeks flushed with crimson that slowly trailed up to his ears. “get over here and hug me or something.”

 

Jim’s grin blossomed as he rose to his feet to launch himself across Harvey’s chest and pull him into his arms. Harvey sat up and Jim sat down on the bed so they could better embrace. The soothing warmth of Jim’s hands, his scent, the sound of his breathing, everything filled Harvey with immense gratitude. He had made it through to the other side, a couple of fingers short but to be reunited with Jim regardless. He clung tight to the one thing that still made sense to him and filled him with comfort: Jim.

 

“I talked to the doctor while you were sleeping.” Jim informed softly stroking a hand down Harvey’s hair until he gripped a fist full of it at the nape of his neck.  “The infection is lifting. After another day or so of fluids and another dose of antibiotics they’re going to send you home. We can make an appointment with the plastic surgeon in a few weeks to see if anything can be done about your scaring- “

 

“I don’t care about that.” Harvey revealed resting his chin upon Jim’s shoulder.  “I can’t even think that far ahead yet Jim. I haven’t seen the thing for Christ’s sake.” He had; Jim knew he must have done; when Clarkson took his fingers off initially. The thought made Jim hang on tighter to his lover. “Just for now let’s, let’s just concentrate on getting me home.”

 

“Sure Harvey.” Jim vowed rejecting the impulse to title him ‘baby’ instead. “I’m sorry. I got ahead of myself.”

 

“When don’t you?” Harvey teased with an unseen playful smile. “I just need you right now is all. The rest can wait. Please?”

 

“Of course!” Jim promised pulling back to look Harvey in the eyes. He used the hand that was tangled in Harvey’s hair to stroke his cheek instead. He placed a gentle kiss upon his partner’s lips and ran a thumb up his cheekbone issuing a tender smile of reassurance. “You decide what happens for now. Okay?”

 

Harvey nodded not trusting his voice and went back to hugging Jim.

 

**Chapter ten: Nightmares**

The nightmares came no matter what Harvey tried before bed. Even if he drank or was sexed by Jim into a near coma. They happened rather he was asleep or awake. Even something as insignificant as breathing could trigger one. Panic attacks the doctor had called them. He had antianxiety medication he didn’t want to take because of Jim’s lectures on the ills of mixing alcohol and psych mediation. Harvey was also reluctant because who; even Jim; wanted to work with a jumpy cop? The acronym PTSD was bandied around and Harvey had been taxed with desk duties and threats to take time off if he needed it. Jim despised being tied to a desk; this Harvey knew from previous experience; but if he was honest with himself, save for vanity he was secretly thankful he was temporarily off the streets. Harvey was convinced that his confidence would return over time, but for now he remained a closeted mess.

 

Desk or streets Jim was right beside Harvey. For the nightmares, the frustration, fear, the anxiety, devastation of confidence and commitment to heal. Jim was silent when Harvey needed him to be and talkative when he didn’t. Jim never pushed an agenda on him or made him feel guilty for having fallen apart following his abduction. The division of work versus home life became much more distinct now than it had ever been. When they were home they didn’t speak of anything that related to work. Their private lives took precedent and Harvey luxuriated underneath Jim’s care. Conversely, at work they kept their second life at home a secret. It was as if they had two separate relationships; at home, they were life mates and at work they were merely partners. The division was helpful to Harvey because now his entire life was defined; or at least felt like it was; of before the abduction and after. At some point, Harvey hoped it would just go back to feeling ‘normal’. To when the most dramatic thing he worried about was how early he was going to wake up before the alarm in the morning to spend some quality time with Jim before their day officially began.

 

During and invasion and shoot out inside the Gotham station house, Harvey unexpectedly came face to face with the fact that he was still able to perform under pressure, nightmares or not; abduction and PTSD or not.  He received a temporary promotion to acting department Captain due to Sarah Enssen’s tragic death. She had only been one of several lives lost that day, and every officer and detective still wore a black band across their shields. Harvey over saw a lot of the construction repairs and every now and again an errant bullet hole reminded him just how lucky he had been that day by not losing Jim. While they had not been able to show their affection and relief for one another’s safety following the shooting that day, the instant they were in a sequestered place Jim catapulted himself into Harvey’s arms and held him close, whispering in his ear repeatedly that he loved him and that they were alright. All Harvey could do in return was cling back and reassure Jim that they were indeed fine.

 

Harvey’s new appointment left him with more responsibilities and far more accountability but he as much as he complained he hated every second of it, he was secretly proud of his ability to fill the space left behind by a fallen colleague and friend. Before meeting Jim, he would have had neither the confidence or fortitude to handle such a position. Now however he was determined to do right by the department and help Jim in his dream of surgically removing corruption from the department. Their house was a starting point and Harvey was happy to be on the ground floor, even if it made him far less popular than he had been before his promotion of sorts. Not that their opinions mattered, Jim’s was the only one that truly counted and he had a faith in Harvey that he failed to have even in himself. But that was Jim; bringing out the best in people leading by example and Harvey would follow Jim to the edges of the universe and back again just to see him smile.

 

Harvey was thankful for their rare day off. He hadn’t slept well the previous night due to his flashbacks to the cutting saw, but now he could lounge in bed with Jim and doze until his bladder or stomach forced him to move. Thus, far he had been granted a reprieve on both and was quite enjoying himself immolating the concept of inertia. Sighing contentedly, he pressed his face further against Jim’s, burrowing into his cheek and the side of his throat.

 

“How can you smell so damn good in the morning?”

 

“It’s a gift.” Jim teased curling his arm under and around his lover.  “How come all I want to do is stay in bed with you all day?”

 

“Because you’re lazy.” Harvey jibed in return. He made small circles upon Jim’s chest with his left hand; or what was left of it. While the tissue was still red and scarring over, he wore a light gauze covering for no other reason than so he wouldn’t have to look at the deformity and be reminded more than he already was of those terrible days confined to that metal chair. “Let’s do it. Stay in bed.”

 

Jim considered and gave a partial shrugged. “I haven’t had a better offer to do nothing yet this morning.”

 

Harvey placed gentle kisses along the outer shell of Jim’s ear. “Who said anything about doing ‘nothing’?” He whispered lowering his attentions to Jim’s neck.

 

Jim moaned. “This suggestion just keeps getting better and better.”

 

“Damned right it does.” Harvey turned Jim’s face so that he could kiss him. The exchange started out slow and controlled but quickly disintegrated into more fevered need. “The things I wanna do to you…”

 

“Do them.” Jim insisted rolling over onto his side to push Harvey onto his back. Harvey’s only response was to grope at Jim and moan.

 

The spent the early morning hours entangled in one another, took a two-hour nap and then Jim made them a simple breakfast which they ate in bed. Once they had finished they made love again and Harvey dozed while Jim lay awake in thought, holding him.  There was unfinished business with Randal Clarkson, two of the lackeys they had picked up in the bust were decided to roll over on him. However, finding him was proving difficult. With a private plane at his disposal movement was easier and according to an FBI contact of Jim’s he was currently out of the country. Jim’s throat tightened. While he was hardly going to allow justice and his need for Harvey’s vengeance to go unanswered, for the moment at least; he had to accept that concentrating with Harvey upon his recovery was the best for both. All else would come in time.

 

And come, it would.


End file.
